West End Stories 010 | Jiarui

I knew deep in my heart that coming to know Jesus was the absolute best thing that could have happened to my life; however, it also made me depressed, scared. I was afraid of the expectations, of what it meant to be a believer. I didn’t want to let people down; I knew I would disappoint them. I wanted to run away.

But a thought occurred to me, “What can I do so that people can see God in me?” Even beyond that, “What can I do to improve people’s view of God?”

I began to realize that if the key to being a Christian is to be a morally and a socially upright human being, then I might as well pursue other religions, because many other religions impose much stricter and harsher social rules. “Why then should I follow Jesus and proclaim to believe in him?”

Then it really hit me: God never asked me to be a good person.

God’s truth and love are always there, everlasting and never changing. Jesus walked on earth welcoming everyone, loving everyone, and accepting everyone. He died for me without any expectations or conditions.

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Rm. 5:8).

My efforts don’t make him real, and my arguments don’t make him truer. My anxieties don’t have to control him; He created everything. He has everything under control. I don’t need to worry for Him, because He has overcome all things.

He invites me to a relationship that’s not about performance or acting a certain way. When I decided to follow Jesus, I promised to give up my life for Him and to seek joy in fulfilling His will, but He never expected me to keep my promises, and I have not always kept them. However, His love propels me to run back to Him over and over again, even while at times I stubbornly want my own way. He never rushes me, because He knows that His truth always wins. He is patient as His love draws me back to Him.